A Horrible Cartoon Appraising
Between caring for a dog who's well enough that I can be annoyed at him again, possession of Rock Band 2, and a job market so terrible you can see bartenders getting thrown out with the drunks, I've been spending more time in front of the TV. Probably not a good idea, considering that a good deal of my life revolves around TV & movies already, but then neither is black tar heroin, but at least it got Kurt away from Courtney Love.

All TV people have a default channel. For the serious, it may be CNN. Others, the part-time TV people, choose the prime time channels or the re-runners such as TV Land or Lifetime. My friends would probably grow gills and suffocate on the liquid-less land if they had to go without Comedy Central for a week. But Jude knows good default. Jude knows Cartoon Network.

Don't get me wrong, I don't just mean Adult Swim. I was with it ever since the Sealab 2021 & Cowboy Bebop days, but my endearing love of animation goes beyond that. I recall first hearing about expanded cable having a 24-hour cartoon network back when I was but ten summers, and pleading for it to the matronly ruler of the household, and her matronly ruler as well. And lo, when I saw it, it was good.

Back then, it was almost completely original programming mixed with occasional canceled show from bygone years mixed in. More than that though, it was a channel founded with a question: why can't we make cartoons everyone wants to watch? The idea had been put forth before, with mixed results on varying channels. Exo Squad, Reboot, X-Men, Batman, The Tick... these were all shows that remained entertaining well into my adult years. Sometimes the toy toons were made to last.

Cartoon Network had their own gems which still remain quoteable and funny despite the passage of time. The first I can recall was the little remembered 2 Stupid Dogs, which in one episode had the two at a drive-in theater, wondering why people came here when the food was terrible and the movie lousy, only to pan out to all the cars around them squeaking up and down.

Heh. Like the kids'll really get that.

Dexter's Lab & Powerpuff Girls were sometimes so laden with jokes that only teens and adults would get, it made one wonder if kids actually found any comedy value in the shows. (Case in point: an episode of the latter which was nothing but a continuous stream of Beatles jokes.) Other shows came and enjoyed a multi-aged audience, Samurai Jack still being one of the most acclaimed animated shows for its introduction of the muted samurai style to a children's medium.

I'm glad that cartoons are bothering to be funny for everyone again, and not just limiting themselves to the "kid" or "mature" labels. The last time such a thing happened, for those who know their cartoon history, was all the way back in the '60's with "The Flintstones" and "Looney Tunes". So, for those of you with kids either here, on the way, or non-existent, I give you a few decent recommendations and their merits.

"Chowder" - If you've ever played Katamari Damacy, you'll be well prepared for the imagery of this show. (In point of fact, they actually have a Katamari joke in an episode.) The show revolves around a pudgy apprentice "cat-bunny-bear-kid-thing" chef of a boy named Chowder in a world that revolves around food and bad food puns. Dana Carey (Master Shake of "Aqua Teen") and John DiMaggio (Bender of "Futurama") lend nice vocal personality to the show, keeping the jibes back and forth between characters peppy, which is amazing considering that DiMaggio only says one word.
Favorite Line So Far: (Chowder) "If I die, please bury me in my maid's outfit."

"Total Drama Island" - The first time I saw previews for this, I began to gag a little envisioning a tween's cartoon equivalent to Survivor. When I happened to snag half an episode a good dozen episodes into the season however, I can honestly say it was pretty damn funny. One of only three shows currently on before Adult Swim rated TV-PG, the entire thing does more to mock summer camp & reality TV then endear itself to it. If you'd like to see a slow-motion replay of a party boy in a cowboy hat getting launched pants-less by a bull, while covering his junk and screaming in fear, you might enjoy it. The current house favorite amongst ourselves is Owen, who is more or less a non-sexual Ron Jeremy, i.e. one of the most affable chubby guy's you'll ever meet.
Favorite Line So Far: (Announcer Chris to Outhouse Confessional Camera) "So I've got a little side bet going with Chef. Whoever blows chunks first from watching the campers owes the winner a hunski."

"Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends" - Oh, come on folks, THEY RICK-ROLLED THE WORLD WITH THEIR FLOAT AT THE THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE! If that isn't enough though, you can expect a couple dozen decent exchanges per episode, many of which are jokes only the adults will get. Highlights of the series usually involve any of the episodes where Mac gets sugar, but the latest Halloween episode was perhaps the best yet. Watch for Phil Lamar, who can often be found playing a dozen different people on the show.
Favorite Line So Far: (Mac, trapped in wilderness & starving) "Where did you get that sandwich?" (Blue) "Oh, I found some hiker. He gave me this one and a baloney I scarfed down on the way back." (Mac, eye twitching) "But... baloney's my favorite." (Blue) "Oh, right..." [pauses and unwraps sandwich] "You DON'T like tuna, right?" [eats without hearing reply]

"The Secret Saturdays" - While I can't so much recommend this for adults, I would suggest it for parents who like watching things with their kids. The entire show harkens back to what I thought of as the coolest old cartoon of all time, one "Johnny Quest". I can still recall finding out the words "cryptozoology". "paranormal", and so on, and wanting them to be in my job resume when I was 10. This indulges those particular youthful hopes, and I think a new generation needs a little face time with a fictionalized version of them. Will Friedle, who played Terry McGinness in "Batman Beyond", has reoccurring appearances as the mercenary-for-hire Doyle.
Favorite Line So Far: (Doyle, to Owl Cultists while in disguise) "Just cleaning him up. Nobody likes a dirty sacrifice." [pause] "Hoot."

"Star Wars: The Clone Wars" - Although many have cited the animation to look like crap, it is in fact only going 3-D with the originally 2-D Genndy character designs which, while functional, weren't that elaborate. Many more wrote off the series, having gone to see the movie in theaters, which was actually just the first 3 episodes of the show that LucasArts decided to bundle together. Despite how it may look, the show often seems to give off a World War 2 in Space vibe, which helps quite often. None of the characters are as annoying as their live-action counterparts, and it manages to take the series into territory not explored by the movies, such as the habits and personalizing of clones & how Palpatine was field testing components for the Death Star without anyone suspecting their true purpose. Also, the clone troopers swear, which I approve of for a war based cartoon. It's the only other TV-PG show on before Adult Swim, and lives up to it with constant on-screen laser and lightsaber deaths. Popular actors that have already guest starred include Ron Pearlman ("Hellboy") and James Marsters (Spike of "Buffy"). It actually manages to make "youngling" sound less stupid, which is a feat for anything, Star Wars or not.
Favorite Line So Far: (Clone Trooper, after other member of troop is dragged off by hideous snake creature) "And that's why we have protocols saying not to go outside."


Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks. Now get your ass to some toons.