A Horrible Part of My State
If I can be ashamed of just one thing in California, it's Oakland.

If you have instantly begun hating me for this simply because you're a Raiders fan, you can stop reading this blog right now. You can unfollow, or whatever the trendy computer term is these days.

As Bill Hicks would say, that is not a joke. We don't need you here.

I can't remember a time when the term Oakland wasn't synonymous with the term "crime-riddled shit hole" in the South Bay. I always chalked this up to simple inter-city prejudice, in much the same way that everyone hates the Yankees or the Cubs except for Yankees and Cubs fans.* But then, on a number of occasions, I got to visit Oakland.

For those who haven't been, imagine San Francisco if it had been designed by the art director from Escape From New York. I have been to three opposite ends of that city and have never been more than a street away from a pawn shop and a liquor store. In all of the times I have visited, I've never seen ANYBODY in that town that owns a dog that couldn't double as a home-security device. Oakland is where hope goes to die in a city.

That said, I do have some love for some Oaklanders. I'm talking about the folks who hang tough, saying that they aren't going to be run out by the gangbangers or the crooked cops, and that if either try to break into their house, their getting a face full of fireplace poker. These are folks who work hard, and most often than not, encourage their kids to move out of town. There's also the poor bastards who actually patrol the city and get a horrific wrap due to the other half of their force that contents itself with blowjobs from 14 year-old hookers to look the other way on certain matters. Those guys have a thankless fucking job, and it sucks that they get lumped in with everyone else.

And then there's everyone else. And they can go screw for doing shit like this.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/03/25/BADD16N9VP.DTL

On the DAY, the fucking DAY OF the police officers' funerals, they did this. The fact that there was only 60 in attendance is little comfort to the fact that there was more than just the one crazy guy spouting shit at the sky while wearing a sandwich sign reading "EARTH IZ 4 EARTHENITES". They are of the firm belief that a man who shot down two SWAT officers with an assault rifle after shooting two motorcycle officers from his car, was the wronged party, and should be venerated as a folk hero.

I could fucking retch.

A man is no less innocent because of the color of his skin than he is guilty. If your immediate thought that someone was getting a raw deal because A) they are the same color as you, or B) they did something all bad-ass action-movie-ish before losing the top half of their skull, you are legally retarded. You should officially have your vote count for 1/3rd of a vote in elections from all points forward, and should be wearing a football helmet at all times.

My views on race have always been pretty simple. Folks is folks. That's how my grandmother saw it, that's how I see it. I'm no more likely to side with a white guy than I am with a Puerto Rican/Jamaican. If I sided with white people on the principle that "they're white, they must know what they're doing", you'd call me a racist prick and belt me one in the chops. Just keep in mind the door swings both ways, folks.

Also, people never want to hear criticisms about a subculture, because they think some people don't have the right to do so, but sometimes folks need to hear it. Thug lifestyle pop culture is the equivalent of Bush-era politics support. It promotes the idea that you should be as ignorant as fuck, shoot up anyone you don't like, hate on people of certain colors and orientations, and expect to reap riches and fame for doing so. These people are the rednecks of African-American culture. And if you want to call me on that because I'm a white observer, by all means find a black man who is unable to point out what a white redneck looks like.

If you're black and don't buy into any of that shit, good for you. Way to be a fucking person. You are capable of forming cohesive, independent thoughts for yourself just as the white people who didn't care for the last 8 years of Cheney wringing his hands together happily are. If you're white and do buy into that shit, move to Oakland and see how well the thug life treats you.

As for the crooked cops that marched in that procession, I sincerely hope you get what's coming to you. I can only wish that after the services were concluded and the cameras were turned off, the rest of them sniffed you out like a shit-covered fox in front of a bloodhound convention and laid into you with batons sharpened to points. You keep people afraid in their own neighborhoods, and make people think twice about crossing a street. You are part of the problem. Never forget that.





*I do not hate the Yankees or Cubs, but if you hate me for saying this, please see my comments to the angry Raiders fans.