A Horrible New Meme That I Swore I Wouldn't Do
Dammit, I have a problem. These things are like crack cut with human pineal gland and Doritos to me. Further rants will include content about movie reviews or art updates, but my love/hate relationship with animation should be aired so that folks know where I stand.

Now, keep in mind, I like anime, but can't really claim to be an anime "fan" anymore. The fans killed it for me. They went out and bought every freakin' love triangle story arc involving comedy or horror that someone passed with a kidney stone out of Japan and claimed it to be "teh awesome", to use one of the internet's brain damaged phrases. I look at Code Geass and die a little each time I catch more than 30 seconds of it.

As I've said in previous posts, limited distribution used to mean that folks really only tried to get the cream of the crop out to the U.S., at least as of the 80's-90's. Now, thanks to certain Viz's that will not be named, we have Dragonball Z 2.0 with Bleach.

However, I still enjoy the animated series or film on occasion. Saotoshi Kon continues to vitalize the medium, and I went out and bought the Blue Gender box set for not being afraid to display hopelessness in the apocalypse and the ability to kill of familiar, likeable main characters. And Urusei Yatsura is still funny no matter what anyone says, or how much it ludicrously costs.

So here you are, a meme of animation for ol' Jude, the good, bad, and ugly. We can thank LJ pal araurian_dancer for giving me this internet STD, so check hers out as well. I've changed some of the criterion below to reflect my rather caveman-like lack of font manipulation...

- X what you saw
- O what you haven't finished/saw sizable portions
- Quotations " " for what you loved
- * for what you disliked/hated
- 8 if neutral
- Leave unchanged if never seen

Parenthesis denote personal opinions of the poster.


Classic Disney
--------------
[8] 101 Dalmatians (1961) (It never really stood out.)
[x] Alice in Wonderland (1951) (Still pretty neat over time despite lack of Jabberwocky.)
[*] Bambi (1942) (This film should be burned for its traumatizing effect on kids, and for sickly sweetness.)
[*] Cinderella (1950) (What? It was a girl's movie!)
[*] Dumbo (1941) (See Bambi, with addition of racist crows.)
[x] "Fantasia" (1940) (Remains awesome.)
[8] Lady and the Tramp (1955) (Not horrible, not fantastic.)
[x] Mary Poppins (1964) (I'd call it a stretch for this as an animated film, but it was still good.)
[x] Peter Pan (1953) (Like nobody didn't love that damn croc.)
[x] Pinocchio (1940) (The best story of child abduction and whale abuse ever.)
[*] Sleeping Beauty (1959) (See Cinderella.)
[*] Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) (God, I wanna dig up that voice actress and strangle her...)
[ ] Song of the South (1946)
12/13



Disney's Dark Age
-----------------
[x] The Aristocats (1970) (What? Everyone wants to be a cat. *plays rimshot* )
[8] The Black Cauldron (1985) (Not a faithful adaptation of the book, but still watchable.)
[*] The Fox and the Hound (1981) ("Hey kids, wanna learn about equality and be bored for 80 minutes???")
[x] "The Great Mouse Detective" (1986) (You go, Vincent Price. We need more clocktower fights.)
[x] "The Jungle Book" (1967) (If only because it led to Tail Spin, one of my preferred Saturday morning cartoons.)
[x] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" (1977) (Oh, like you don't plan to show it to your kids.)
[x] Oliver and Company (1986) (Decent, but hasn't held up well with time.)
[8] Pete's Dragon (1977) (Mostly forgettable, despite being more animated than Mary Poppins.)
[o] Rescuers, The (1977) (Kind of ashamed I've never seen it all from end to end.)
[x] "Robin Hood" (1973) (I always liked that portrayed the King as a mama's boy. It rang true for the story.)
[x] "The Sword In The Stone" (1963) (The wizarding fight. 'Nuff said.)
11/11


The Disney Renaissance
----------------------
[x] "Aladdin" (1992) (Despite the 90-itis, the film did manage to capture the intent of the story.)
[*] Beauty and the Beast (1991) (Do I really need to say it again?)
[*] A Goofy Movie (1995) (Weed was involved when this was pitched.)
[8] Hercules (1997) (Pedestrian is a good description for it.)
[x] Hunchback of Notre Dame, The (1996) (Although in no way an accurate retelling, the priest was neat.)
[8] The Lion King (1994) (A rip off, but a rip-off with Jeremy Irons.)
[*] The Little Mermaid (1989) (Oh, c'mon. You don't know by now?)
[o] Mulan (1998) (I lost interest after I saw ten minutes on TV.)
[*] Pocahontas (1995) (SHE WAS FUCKING 12! 12!!!!)
[x] The Rescuers Down Under (1990) (The first film I ever saw as a double feature. Great backgrounds.)
[x] Tarzan (1999) (More films need death by accidental hanging in them.)
10/11



Disney's Modern Age
-------------------
[x] Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) (Although a semi-rip off of Nadia, it made me chuckle enough.)
[ ] Bolt (2008) (You're shitting me, right?)
[*]Brother Bear (2003) (That was the worst flight to Texas ever.)
[o] Chicken Little (2005) (Yeah, 'cause I was really gonna watch that until the end...)
[x] Dinosaur (2000) (A surprisingly upbeat movie given that it was about the extinction of the species.)
[8] Emperor's New Groove, The (2000) (Poor David Spade. He needed the money so bad...)
[ ] Fantasia 2000 (2000) (Wait, what?)
[ ] Home on the Range (2004) (*snort* Yeah, I'm sure it was goo...it was g-...God, can't say that straight faced.)
[x] Lilo & Stitch (2002) (Cute movie barring the hideous attempts at further exploitation.)
[x] Meet the Robinsons (2007) (Actually half-way decent, though the animation was a bit off.)
[x] "Treasure Planet" (2002) (Definitely in the spirit of Stephenson's high adventure theme. Good kid flick.)
8/11



Pixar
-----
[o] A Bug's Life (1998) (Looked enjoyable from what I've seen, but never saw more than 20 min.)
[x] "Cars" (2006) (An underrated Pixar film about what racing used to be and how NASCAR killed it.)
[x] "Finding Nemo" (2003) (Earned its Oscar, though I probably wouldn't feel the need to watch it a second time.)
[x] "The Incredibles" (2004) (Some damn fine animation you're growin' there, Brad Bird. Damn fine.)
[x] "Monsters Inc." (2001) (Good for attempting to explain to kids the only thing to fear is Big Business.)
[x] "Ratatouille" (2007) (If you didn't like this movie, you are a commie, and I hate you.)
[x] "Toy Story" (1995) (A good solid movie, especially since it worked the Pixar brand in.)
[x] Toy Story 2 (1999) (Enjoyable, but still a sequel.)
[x] "Wall-E" (2008) (Pure amounts of awesome for the least talkative Pixar movie ever.)
9/9



Don Bluth (Damn, I've seen a lot of these...)
---------
[8] All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989) (Interesting, if mildly depressing, but that's death for you...)
[x] An American Tail (1986) (It remains nice, if only for nostalgia purposes.)
[*] An American Tail: Fieval Goes West (This however, does not.)
[*] Anastasia (1997) (Whoop, sorry kids, she actually died when she was 8!)
[*] The Land Before Time (1988) (Oh, fuck you, movie. Fuck you and your dozen sequels.)
[ ] The Pebble and the Penguin (1995) (A story of a kidney stone?)
[*] Rock-a-Doodle (1991) (In fairness, the person who dragged me to see this as a kid hated it too.)
[x] The Secret of NIMH (1982) (It's about genetically engineered rats. C'mon, how could a boy not like it?)
[ ] Thumbelina (1994) (Y-chromosome. See the Y-chromosome? )
[x] "Titan AE" (2000) (For all the movie's faults, I love it just for the Whedon line of "You don't have to live on Bob if you don't want.")
8/10



Claymation
----------
[x] The Adventures of Mark Twain (1986) (Awesomely terrifying depiction of god still terrifying!)
[X] Chicken Run (2000) (Despite the popular anti-semitic, was an agreeable kids film.)
[x] "Corpse Bride" (2005) (Terrific acting coupled with good delivery. Good on you, Burton.)
[x] James and the Giant Peach (1996) (The book was better, but it's hard to hate on this.)
[8] Nightmare Before Christmas, The (1993) (And now all goths everywhere hate me.)
[x] Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005) (It's Wallace & Gromit. Show some respect.)
[x] "Coraline" (2009) (And people said you can't make a horror movie for kids.)
7/7



CGI Glut
---------------------
[*] Antz (1998) (Who let Woody Allen back into film?!? Was it you!?!)
[x] Happy Feet (2006) (Very nice animation. Also, Hugo Weaving as someone who eats fish.)
[8] Kung Fu Panda (2008) (Really. THIS beat out Wall-E at the animation awards?)
[ ] Madagascar (2005) (I don't own an SUV, so I'd have nowhere to watch it.)
[x] Monster House (2006) (The occasional veiled sex joke makes up for the shit CGI.)
[o] Over the Hedge (2006) (After five minutes, I realized Bruce Willis was a very regret-filled man.)
[*] Polar Express, The (2004) (Suck, suck, annnnnd... more suck. Yup, that covers it.)
[x] Shrek (2001) (Decent.)
[x] Shrek 2 (2004) (Not so decent.)
[*] Shrek The Third (If seen, induce vomiting.)
9/10



Imports
--------
[ ] Arabian Knight (aka The Thief and the Cobbler) (1995)
[x] The Last Unicorn (1982) (Schmendrick, muthafuckas! What! Uhn!)
[ ] Light Years
[o] Triplets of Belleville, The (2003) (Have seen enough to know its good...)
[ ] Persepolis (2007) (Maybe with a comedy chaser some day soon.)
[ ] Waltz With Bashir (2008)
[ ] Watership Down (1978)
[ ] When the Wind Blows (1988)
[o] Yellow Submarine (1968) (I need more drugs to finish it.)
3/9



Studio Ghibli/Miyazaki
-------------
[x] "Grave of the Fireflies" (You will watch it, bawl like a baby, and then thank me for it.)
[x] Howl's Moving Castle (2004) (Not Miyazaki's best, but his worst is still pretty cool.)
[ ] Kiki's Delivery Service (1989) (Gimme time. It shall be watched.)
[ ] Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986) (This one too.)
[x] Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro (1979) (How can you not like Lupin. Embrace the briefly green jacket.)
[ ] My Neighbors The Yamadas (One of the further mystery unseen...)
[x] "My Neighbor Totoro" (1993) (The most beautiful backgrounds I have ever seen. This is art, moving.)
[o] Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) (Have caught five min here and there, but will see.)
[ ] Only Yesterday (Never even heard of it.)
[ ] Pom Poko (Tanuki War) (Heard good things.)
[o] Porco Rosso (1992) (Looked over bro's shoulder to see it was good.)
[x] "Princess Mononoke" (1999) (Billy Bob Thorton as anti-hero. And great backgrounds.)
[x] "Spirited Away" (2002) (What a surprise, great backgrounds!)
[x] Whisper of the Heart (See "Only Yesterday")
9/14



Satoshi Kon
-----------
[x] Millennium Actress (2001) (Good film, but so sweet, it'll rot your teeth. Caveat emptor.)
[x] "Paprika" (2006) (Damn fine film about, well, film mostly.)
[x] "Perfect Blue" (1999) (Many, many degrees of yes.)
[x] "Tokyo Godfathers" (2003) (The ONLY anime to get the American concept of Christmas spirit right.)
[x] Memories - "Magnetic Rose" (1995) (Decent sci-fi horror.)
5/5



Shinkai Makoto (Wow, just... none.)
------------
[ ] She and Her Cat (1999)
[ ] Voices of a Distant Star (2001)
[ ] The Place Promised in Our Early Days (2004)
[ ] 5 Centimeters per Second (2007)
0/5



Other Anime Films
--------------------------------------------------
[x] Akira (1989) (The directors cut was better than previous releases.)
[8] Appleseed (Short and not as fulfilling as the books.)
[*] Appleseed: Ex Machina (Amulet of Extreme Plot Significance: The Movie)
[*] Arcadia of My Youth (U.S. Title - Vengeance of the Space Pirate) (Decent Harlock. Not Herlock.)
[x] "Cowboy Bebop: The Movie" (2003) (We need Halloween parades.)
[8] The Dagger of Kamui (U.S. Title - Revenge of the Ninja Warrior) (Not bad. Not good either...)
[x] Dirty Pair: Project Eden (I can't say no to total planetary destruction.)
[*] End of Evangelion (It needed to end sooner than this.)
[x] Fist of the North Star (Violence, I dub thee thusly.)
[x] "Galaxy Express 999" (Oh, Reiji, you sweet talker you...)
[o] "Ghost in the Shell" (1996) (Not the book, but close enough for me.)
[x] The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
[ ] Lensman (I've heard good things.)
[8] Macross: Do You Remember Love (U.S. Title - Clash of the Bionoids) (Friggen Min-May)
[o] Metropolis (2001) (I was bored by the time the title credits were done.)
[ ] Neo-Tokyo
[8] Ninja Scroll (On the plus side, lots of sex. On the minus, too much sex.)
[ ] Patlabor the Movie (Patlabor, nobody likes you. Go home.)
[x] The Professional: Golgo 13 (If you haven't seen it, you are no good to me as an anime fan.)
[x] Project A-ko (A decent dig at convoluted anime titles.)
[x] "Robot Carnival" (Perfection of the anime spirit, and sadly not available on DVD.)
[8] Robotech: The Shadow Chronicle (See Macross, but just change some names around.)
[ ] Silent Mobius
[ ] Space Adventure Cobra
[*] Steamboy (2004) ("We're going nowhere, but really fast!")
[ ] Sword of the Stranger
[ ] Unico and the Island of Magic
[*] Urotsukidoji: The Movie (Women... exploded.... during sex.)
[x] Vampire Hunter D (Vampire + high technology x violence - sex = pretty cool.)
[x] Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust (An OK film, and probably one of the only vampire romances I could stomach.)
[x] Wings of Honneamise: Royal Space Force (Despite the attempted rape scene, a beautiful movie)
24/31


Cartoons For Grown-Ups
----------------------
[ ] American Pop
[x] The Animatrix (2003) (Pretty nice collection of animation for a franchise run amok.)
[x] "Beavis & Butthead Do America" (1996) (It'll always hold a place in my filthy little heart.)
[*] Cool World (This movie was made by someone wiping their ass on celluloid. True story.)
[*] Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001) ("How can we make alien ghosts seem convoluted?")
[*] Final Fantasy: Advent Children ("How can we milk more money out of this crappy game?")
[ ] Fire & Ice
[8] Fritz the Cat (1972) (I may not have liked it, but I respect it for doing what it did in its day.)
[x] Heavy Metal (1981) (Neat.)
[*] Heavy Metal 2000 (2000) (Hey, I remember when this was a halfway decent comic!)
[ ] Hey Good Looking
[*] Lady Death (Boobsboobsboobsboobsboobsboobs.)
[x] "A Scanner Darkly" (2006) (You sit there, watch it, and then you tell me what you think of methadone.)
[8] South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) (It hasn't aged well. Except for Eric Idle saying "horsefucker".)
[ ] Street Fight (AKA - Coonskin)
[ ] Waking Life (2001)
11/16



Other Animated Movies I Can't Categorize
-------------------------------
[ ] Animal Farm
[ ] Animalympics
[x] Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon The Movie (It's the show. But, y'know, longer.)
[x] "Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker" (Proof that spin-off shows aren't always a bad idea.)
[*] The Brave Little Toaster (1988) (I feel ill...)
[x] Bravestarr: The Movie (I know I have but... god, what was it about?)
[*] Care Bears: The Movie (For the record I saw both of these, because I was 3 once.)
[x] Charlotte's Web (1973) (Okay, who didn't watch this at school. Show of hands?)
[8] Fern Gully ("Hey kids, wanna see a movie that rubs 90's all over your face?")
[x] "G.I. Joe: The Movie" ("The last sound you shall hear shall be the snapping of your vertebrae one by one...")
[ ] Gobots: Battle of the Rock Lords (HAH! no, no I didn't.)
[8] He-Man & She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword (The secret is Mrs. Dash.)
[x] "The Hobbit" (You mean you haven't?)
[x] "The Iron Giant" (1999) (Who of us didn't want this to happen as children?)
[x] "Justice League: The New Frontier" (Know thy roots.)
[*] Lord of the Rings (Bad rotoscoper. You sit in the corner.)
[8] Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland (1992) (Read the comic.)
[*] My Little Pony: The Movie (I was in a summer class with 8 girls, 4 boys, and we got to vote on a movie.)
[o] Pink Floyd's The Wall (1982) (Get over yourself, fans of this movie.)
[x] The Prince of Egypt (1998) (Amazingly, not too preachy for a movie about Moses.)
[8] Powerpuff Girls: The Movie (Eh.)
[ ] Quest For Camelot (1999) (Nope.)
[ ] Ringing Bell (Uh uh.)
[x] Road to El Dorado, The (2000) (Enjoy it, dammit. Don't question how the native speak the same language.)
[ ] Rock & Rule
[o] Space Jam (Really, Mr. Murray. You held out on Ghostbusters 3 for years, but you did this?)
[ ] Starchaser: The Legend of Orin (Likewise, no.)
[x] "Superman: Doomsday" (Ultimate wrestling move: superplex from space.)
[ ] The Swan Princess (MALE! *points at penis*)
[x] Transformers: The Movie (1986) (Hee, Mr Witwicky said "shit.)
[8] Wizards (Bashki gets too much shit for this.)
[x] "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" (1988) (Still a great pulp-style movie for kids.)
[ ] Wonder Woman (After Whedon dropped it? Good luck getting me to watch it.)
[o] Balto (I was bored with it, and I'm a dog person.)
[x] Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (Good choice, Matt Damon.)

That's it, now. Go home.